i believe
our souls talk to each other
late at night
when we aren’t watching

i wish i could be a bit more privy to those conversations

I am doing some (MORE) unearthing in my studio and my subconscious. Here are a few quotes I found tucked away:

“You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” -Shakti Gawain

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go out and do that. Because what the world needs more than anything is people who have come alive.” -Harold Thurman Whitman

After so many years of living for others, being present for others, thinking that was the way, I am considering another way of being. I am all done trying to collect “good girl points”.

Here are some thoughts that came up today:

I am letting go of:

being “nice”
being a coach
being a healer
being “good”

I am embracing:

being an artist
being a writer
being ME
being authentic

This work has been going on for a long time but something has shifted within me around all of this. If I am meant to help others with their healing, great. That might happen. For now, I am going to focus on my own healing and empowerment. I think that has been the missing link for me for a long time.

Here’s a great list I also ran across. It’s by Thomas Leonard.

Top 10 Ways To Stop Being Unattractive To Yourself.

It doesn’t make a lot of sense to start doing lots of attractive stuff if, in fact, you keep doing unattractive stuff. That would be like putting a fresh coat of paint on top of rotting wood. It will cover it up for a couple of months, but it won’t be enough to fix the wood. So, while initiating some new attraction practices is always good, make sure you’ve handled the stuff underneath.

1. Stop doing what you know is bad for you and start nourishing yourself.
There’s two important points here. First, extreme self care will help you be sustainably attractive. Second, “bad” is both relative and evolving. Things you used to do which were acceptable, may have since become bad for you, yet you haven’t stopped doing them. This is especially true of folks progressing along the Attraction Path. As you and your body become more sensitized, it can tolerate less what you may be in the habit of doing to it. The ‘up’ with which you put, may change substantially. It’s like the person with extremely high integrity is more likely to be the one who gets stopped for speeding when they are driving only 4 miles over the speed limit. For them, the rules are different, and that’s a good thing, as long as you learn that and make the necessary behavioral changes. The tip here is to upgrade your self care to reflect where you are NOW.

2. Stop trying to meet anyone else’s expectations and start meeting your own.
Unhooking from others’ needs or expectations is an essential part of the Attraction process. It’s one thing to respond fully and even overrespond to others, but it’s a different thing when you are responding to their expectations of you. That’s a huge difference, although the more codependent you are, the harder it will be see this one. While you’re at it, drop your expectations of other people as well.

3. Stop being so good and start being radical.
I wanted to write ’start being bad’ instead of just ’start being radical.’ The idea here is that to break the chain of history, proper roles, acceptable behaviors, cultural norms and the like, you may have to swing the ol’ pendulum WAY over, just to break the ‘good’ grip that has most of us held tightly. Being good is a vestige of those days when one misstep in life could ruin your status in the pack and thus ruin your future or even threaten your very survival. But things have changed to the point today that ‘doing the right thing’ may well be the very wrong thing for you. I’m not suggesting that you be irresponsible or do anything illegal. Rather, to lighten up, trash a week’s worth of emails, take a week off, eat a pizza. Anything to get you flexing your muscles in a different way.

4. Stop comparing yourself to others, and identify your own measures.
It’s normal and even healthy to compare who you are and how you’re doing against how others are doing. Reference points are fine. But using these reference points as a way to build self-esteem is not smart, because it makes you dependent. Plus, it’s human nature to compare yourself to people either steps above or below you, depending on your ego need of that day. It’s pointless really. Better to come up with your own measures of who you are and how you’re doing.

5. Stop setting yourself up and start making life easy on you.
Do you ever set yourself up for stress or failure? Many people do. They either need the stress to create adrenaline or they think peace and boredom is a bad thing. My suggestion to you is to look at your current life and ask yourself: Where can I see that I have set myself up for stress or failure? There are probably a couple of people, projects, activities, goals or shoulds. Pick one of these and take it down several more levels and come to understand what motivated you in the first place to set yourself up. Get to know that part of yourself really well. Because to become really Attractive, you’ll need to make peace with it and come to respect it as a very powerful force in your life instead of trying to control it and spending your time dealing with the problems that it will create for you for a very long time.

6. Stop setting other people up and start underpromising.
If you are someone who overpromises, stop promising at all; don’t just underpromise. You need to break this cycle. If you’re someone who seduces people, recognize it. If you’re someone who makes people dependent on you, fix that.

7. Stop waiting and start trusting your inklings.
If you blindly followed your intuition and inklings, would your life be a lot better than it is today? Even with the mistakes you would have made because you misread a feeling or intuitive thought? I think for most people, the answer is yes. Better to master the skill of accurately identifying your feelings/intuition/inklings, than be 100% accurate, yet boring or unfulfilled. In other parts of the Attraction Program, you learn to build up a reserve so that you can afford the consequences of your mistakes. And, in other parts, you learn that responding immediately to things is usually better than waiting. Here, the lesson is to act on your inklings (inklings are even smaller/fainter than intuition). Live THERE, instead of just in ‘reality.’ Because by the time the present has become provable, it’s already the past. (Hey, good quote!)

8. Stop chasing and start appreciating.
Probably the most common ‘unattractive’ thing that I see people do is that they chase after dreams, hopes, goals, coulds, people, love, feelings, fantasies, opportunities, etc. It is fun, but generally fruitless. I’m not saying don’t dream; I am saying don’t chase your dreams. Are there any dreams that you’re currently chasing? How would you benefit if you let them go?

9. Stop trying to become somebody and just be yourself.
As you’ve probably recognized by now, a recurring theme in this section is the notion that striving is fairly unattractive. One of the ways we strive is to become somebody more or other than we are. Aspirations are fairly healthy; striving can get ugly. You can be yourself and still wish to develop yourself. That’s fine. But don’t try to become somebody else.

10. Stop having problems and start solving them.
You can either be an expert problem solver, or you can become a Problem Free Zone. The latter is less ‘rewarding’ or exciting, but it is much more attractive.

And so it is.

this speaks for itself

Today, I visited my daughter’s school to attend the Martin Luther King, Jr. Assembly. Several wonderful groups from the school performed. We heard his Nobel Prize acceptance speech, pieces of “I have a dream” as well as hearing some wonderful music. While one group performed to the song “I have a dream” by will.i.am, I was jammin’ with Gigi in my lap. This caught the attention of the boy next to me. I could feel his spirit warming up to me.

At the break, he said something to me and we made our introductions. The next act included a group reciting the Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech made by Dr. King. At the point that they said, “Negros”, he leaned forward and said something to the girl in front of him. They were both black. Once the speech was over, he said somewhat derisively, “Four kids up there are black”. I asked him how many people in his class are black. He counted in his head and said, “Five.” I asked how many in his neighborhood. His answer, “All of them.”.

I asked if he was offended by what they said on stage. He said, “Yeah”. I asked if he knew who wrote the words. “No,” was his reply. When I told him it was Dr. King, he said, “Nuh uh. It was not. He would never say that. We read about him.” I told him it was a different speech than “I have a dream” and told him that “Negro” was a common word back then. He thought they had said Nigger. I assured him they had not. I realized that the assistant principal was asking everyone to be quiet and said we should probably stop talking. He said, “Her? Forget about her. She doesn’t care about us.” I said, “I know for a fact she cares because I’ve talked to her.” He seemed to be willing to accept that but still seemed a little unsure. (Gigi was telling us to be quiet at this point so we stopped.)

I can see why Sean thought she didn’t care. She is very white and very tense. She cares deeply about the students but seems to care more in those moments about crowd control. I found myself wondering if she’s ever been to a movie theater in the inner city. In my view, audiences talking, moving and participating is normal everywhere except white middle adult America. I can never help my exuberance when I’m feeling joyful or filled with emotion. To expect anyone, especially young children to sit still and be QUIET like you would see at the ballet is ridiculous. It’s also important to remember that cultural differences need to be taken into consideration.

The final act was a band of high school kids playing their original music. One boy had a One.org shirt on. Sean pointed him out and said, “See this bump here in my knuckle? He gave it me. I was messing around with the drums and he hit my hand with a drumstick to get me to stop.”

There we were listening to the words of Dr. King and celebrating the message of peace and unity and here was a little black boy feeling very isolated and disconnected from the whole thing who had been treated violently by someone on stage when words would have sufficed. He was looking for someone or something he could connect with and wasn’t finding it.

Today I saw a police officer run a red light. This is the kind of thing that would one day get Sean and his friends in the Central District pulled over for and yet there our representative of “The Law” was breaking it.

We all really need to start walking our talk. Sean and other children will never trust the people with authority and power if it is abused. Why should they? Why should any of us? I often catch myself doing or saying something hypocritical with my kids. I am working very hard right now to stop that. I can’t expect my daughter to honor her commitments if I don’t or for them to use “inside voices” if I’m being loud.

I am not trying to cast a “negative” view on life. I am simply noticing the shadow and asking what I can do about it. I don’t believe there is an “us” and “them”. I believe we are all part of a pulsating body of energy that is expanding. I want to expand in the direction of the Light and I am trying to discover how to do this when I come face-to-face with my own shadow so often. I want to let it inform me, not overcome me.

I am currently reading Shakti Gawain’s book “Living in the Light”. She has this to say about creating the life we desire, “Everything is a creative process. Visualizations and affirmations are only tools to help in the process. Our own healing is the most important process taking place on Earth at the moment, because it influences the collective all or oneness. The greatest harm we inflict on Earth is our separation from nature. When we change, we also change the world around us. The Earth is undergoing a great transformation – and it happens very fast. Old values and patterns can no longer be followed. We must heal ourselves and find out own path. We must make use of our will, become valiant ‘knights’ on a crusade for positive thinking, positive acting. However, on this crusade we cannot become victorious unless we also recognize our shadow side; our fears, our denials, our negative thought-patterns. This side of ourselves must also be brought into the light in order to manifest wholeness.”

So today, I have a dream. I have a dream that we will learn to embrace our wholeness, including our shadow.

I have a dream that I will walk my talk every day and remember to forgive myself when I don’t.

I have a dream that we will all remember that we are One and truly treat each other the way we want to be treated.

I have a dream that we will use our feminine receptive nature to inform us and our masculine directive nature to take positive action in the world.

I know it starts here and now, with me.

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Originally uploaded by keri.

Something very new is being born in me. I am tired of hype. Tired of excess, of lying, hypocrisy, and greed. I see this powerful statement by Keri Smith as very positive. You will be hearing much more from me in the next month. In the meantime, read this and check out this and consider where and how you are pandering to corporate greed.

Are you a former guerrilla artist who used to paint question marks on signs and now works for a bloated corporation who is making a profit by suckering in the public? What changed? Are you willing to alter a little something now to make room for grace?

Do you profess your desire to make the planet “come alive” with your healing offerings but shun the blood, sweat and tears of doing real intimate work with the people in your life? (I’ve done that before.)

Are you brand conscience? I bought into the hype about branding and will be changing that in my offerings. I am seeing now that it’s just a form a manipulation. I don’t want to be on either side of that equation, thanks.

I am tired of seeing ads for shoes in Oprah’s magazine that cost $1,500. Are they made by brown people making $2 a day? Is half the shit used to sell her magazine made in factories by people who aren’t allowed to smile? She does a lot of good in the world but I am not convinced it’s helpful to all. Let’s think about it. Further, let’s do something about it.

Let’s not “smoke for the cure” or “buy an iPod for Aids”. Let’s not buy a $500 handbag because Oprah has one so that she can go build a school somewhere. Let’s love each other. Let’s take back our lives, look into each other’s eyes and heal the world, not one dollar at a time but one soul at a time.

Night before last my furnace stopped working. The repair person couldn’t come out until today so I was without heat over 24 hours. It is in the low thirties here in Seattle and I live in an old house with single paned windows so it’s been cold and drafty, to say the least. As I sat here yesterday working, my fingers like icicles on the keyboard, I had a realization about how cold it must be outside during the winter.

I’ve volunteered at homeless shelters and I’ve seen homeless people on the street but it just never truly occurred to me until yesterday how very cold they must be. I don’t have a lot of resources currently but I decided to do what I could and just take some action. I gathered up some extra scarves and a hat and bought some fleece blankets that were on sale at a local department store and drove into the city last night with my girls and their dad. We drove until we found some people who looked like they needed some warmth and gave our offerings. Two women squealed with girlish delight when I gave them some scarves that had been sitting at the bottom of my drawer. The hand-knitted wool had I bought at Ten Thousand Villages few years ago was gratefully taken by a lovely gentleman with kind eyes and the brand-new fleece blankets still rolled up were treated as treasures by each recipient. It brought me immense pleasure to see their happiness.

Sometimes big problems seem so insurmountable and it seems like there is just nothing we can really do to help. I decided last night to just do whatever I could because it matters. WE matter. We all deserve to have a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs. We all deserve warmth and love.

On New Year’s Eve, I asked a homeless man who had engaged me in conversation if he wanted a hug. He said yes and we embraced lovingly. He said, “May the Great Spirit give you a big hugga bugga whenever you need it the most.” Those are the moments when I see God.

Tonight, a blanket of snow covers Seattle. My furnace is back on and I sit here in jammy bottoms and a tank top. I feel incredibly blessed and grateful to be where I’m at. I hope those dear souls I met last are staying warm enough tonight. I am thinking of them and sending them my love.

Whether it’s a cup of coffee, some soup, a blanket or a hug, I’m going to give what I can when I can because Love is all that truly matters. Material possessions and “achievements” pale in comparison to the moments of soul to soul contact we make in moments where we are just sharing our love with each other. Like John said tonight, “Connection matters more than collection.” Indeed.

Here’s to finding more and more ways to connect RIGHT NOW with each other on this beautiful planet that we call home.

Ring Out Wild Bells

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light;
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease,
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darknss of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be.

– Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Happy New Year to all who read this. May this year ring in more blessings than you can possibly imagine. Much love…~Kymberlee

My friend, Trey, sent me this link about buildings in Russia being painted as a way to help people cope with the lack of winter sun and the depression that can come with that.

I find this very inspiring and life-affirming. We are such beautiful, creative beings, us humans. It makes me want to find creative solutions like this to help serve the greater good and bring sunshine into the darkness.

photo by sturman

She calls to me. She who is weary of living far beneath, her voice stolen by fear, her power subjugated by the will of others. I took this picture of my daughter and was captivated by the presence in her eyes. The sense of self here is a reflection of the Divine Feminine that lives inside of me. That wants to be heard.

Read about The Little Mermaid archetype and let it inform you. Whether male or female, consider where the voice and face and presence of the Mother fits into your life, your experience.

I desire this union, this integration of opposites. I think on some level we all do. What I know for sure is that I am not going to find it outside of myself. The journey begins here, in the now.

I hear the Siren’s call and I will no longer ignore it for it pierces my heart with it’s poignant urgency.

I’m listening.