For as long as I remember, I have loved to give people flowers, cards or a smile, make them laugh, sing them a song or just generally find ways to brighten their day. My mom has always called me her “Sunshine”. It just feels good. I am blessed with numerous people in my life who do this for me, especially my daughters.

It’s good to keep the love flowing.

So here’s a little love offering for you. From my heart to yours. Perhaps I’ll sing you a song sometime soon.

One Song
by Rumi

Every war and every conflict
between human beings has happened
because of some disagreement about names.

It is such an unnecessary foolishness,
because just beyond the arguing
there is a long table of companionship
set and waiting for us to sit down.

What is praised is one, so the praise is one too,
many jugs being poured into a huge basin.
All religions, all this singing, one song.

The differences are just illusion and vanity.
Sunlight looks a little different
on this wall than it does on that wall
and a lot different on this other one,
but it is still one light.

We have borrowed these clothes,
these time-and-space personalities,
from a light, and when we praise,
we are pouring them back in.

my days
of feeding the hungry ghosts
are over

the men (and sometimes women)
who hover
on the outside
wanting to steal my soul
and put my spirit–my light–in a gourd
to drink from
when they are empty
or sad
or lonely

no more!

yes
i see your pain and sorrow
and yes,
you are loved

but you
must learn
to drink from your own vessel

as i learn to drink
from mine

and so it is

I’m going through a period of intense surrender in my life–surrender to a Higher Power, to Love, to a wisdom beyond what my ego has been feeding me. I am waking up from the dream of this planet, the dream of the illusion of control that my small self has been thinking it has.

The Hero’s Journey can be treacherous. I have experienced the deceit of trusted friends and had my trust shattered over and over. I see how often relationships have been used as ballasts of security in my life or how I have been that ballast for others in ways that was not structurally sound. I’ve seen how often others have projected their illusions on me–motherloversistermadonnawhore/fatherloverbrotherknightsaint–one holographic pattern or another has been projected on me or by me so often. I see how I have been a muse or mother figure/soft comforter for others and enjoyed that role for the false sense of power I received. I see how I have wanted others to protect or care for me in exchange for love and care. Mutual love and understanding have been so elusive and true care and intimacy hard to come by. In the past, when I have said, “no”, people left or got angry so I learned to say “yes” a lot to feel safe.

As I surrender and let my Higher Self guide me, I hear a voice that says, “Be gentle with yourself. You can do it. It will be okay. I’ve got your back.” I trust this voice. It is soft, subtle, wise and compassionate. This voice says, “Wake up from the dream and don’t go back to sleep. You can always choose love but it has to start within. Love yourself and the rest will flow.”

So, for now, I am loving myself. I am noticing when people run away as the projections and illusions fall away. I’m watching myself stand tall and make strong, discerning choices in support of my own well-being. I’m allowing myself to heal and to receive love from people who have earned my trust and show me care–not caretaking but caregiving–and I’m learning to allow that. It’s the difference between co-dependence and interdependence, the difference between illusion and truth and the difference between operating from a place of fear or a place of Love.

I am blessed with the ability to love and forgive others easily. As I learn to do this with myself, my life is changing in miraculous ways. Needs are getting met, truth spoken and wounds healed.

I like waking up. What a beautiful world this is when seen with open eyes and heart.

In my travels yesterday, I happened upon this labyrinth and decided to walk it. I was stunned by the simplicity of this meditative act and felt grateful as my awareness deepened with every step. My mind began to unwind and my Spirit began to breathe more deeply.

With each step, I felt more free and alive. With each step, I heard “relax, it’s okay.” With each step, I realized that the only moment we have is this one and that it really is about the journey. My inner voice told me that it’s okay to stop and look around, notice the flowers and the cars passing or don’t. It’s a choice.

By the time I got to the middle, my heart was so open and quiet, I began to weep with joy and gratitude. I stood there for a few moments just resting and letting healing happen. I allowed the stillness and grace of the present moment and then turned to walk back.

As I walked, I felt really empty and present and suddenly realized there was a man sitting quietly watching me. I smiled and said hello. I asked him if he ever walked the path to which he replied, “Once, about twelve years ago.” I began the journey alone and ended it being greeted by a fellow traveler.

I looked up at the clouds moving in the sky and smelled the sweet, summer air before continuing on my way.

The journey is right here and I intend to enjoy and appreciate every moment of it.

Life is too beautiful to dwell on the pain, or the past.

Time to step into the new adventure of life.

Time to say YES!

There is great strength in softness and vulnerability. When women remember to carry our blade, we don’t need to be tough or hard.

Today, I allow my heart to stay open and trust that my Inner Knight is here to protect the Queen that I am so that I can serve with benevolence and grace.

And so it is.

I created this presentation during my first quarter at Antioch University Seattle to creatively represent myself as a learner. As I look at it now, I remember the days before school when I let my creativity flow more freely. It wasn’t just that I had more time but that I allowed myself the space. Somehow deadlines can become emergencies that keep me locked down into some kind of self-created prison and I feel I can’t experience any fun until I’m finished. This isn’t true all the time but I’ve noticed a pattern that I want to stop so I’m here writing about and poking around my own head.

Of course, I’ve had people mirroring my inner experience back to me. Recently, a friend of mine was talking about how busy he has been and how he “didn’t see an end in sight.” I told him that was certainly true as long as that’s how he perceived life. He responded that prisoners in Nazi concentration camps might have hoped that their reality would change with a shift in perspective but that was impossible. My response? We’re not in Auschwitz, are we? Of course most of us aren’t in such dire circumstances. We do tend to erect huge prison walls around our lives, however. I know I have done this in myriad ways to stay safe. Here are a few of my personal prison walls:

* I don’t have time for a relationship. (The truth? I’m scared of intimacy.)
* I can’t spend time in my studio until I finish this paper. (The truth? I have time for both but I’m afraid of what creativity pulls out of me sometimes.)
* I can’t travel because I have kids and it would interfere with our schedules. (The truth? I’m scared.)

I could go on and on. The common denominator is FEAR. When I really spend time unpacking the truth of why I feel I “can’t” do something, it’s usually because I’m afraid of how my life will change if I do. A friend recently commented on how passionate and free-spirited I am and said that the world has sort of “beaten it” out of him. I understand how that can happen, especially since I’ve been in school. There are myriad people and institutions that want to make us think their way, conform to their standards and generally not dance too far on the edge because they want us to stay in the box with them.

I choose not to live in that box and I choose not to put others in those boxes. Sure, sometimes I want to crawl back in. Freedom is scary. Freedom and claiming one’s own power can feel open-ended and too expansive at times. I have had to learn how to give myself a few borders so I focus and move through society to serve the greater good. I have to be discerning but not limiting in my approach to life. I have to decide who my “tribe” is. Who I trust to be in my inner circle. There are people who are threatened by talent and intelligence–by seeing someone taking a big bite out of life. People will be jealous and petty. I’ve decided those are not my people.

A person I met recently responded to something I said by saying, “Who talks like that?”

The answer: ME!

There are worlds beyond this one to explore. There are ways to embrace the mystery and live with freedom and empowerment. The only way I have found to remain true to myself is to hold fast to awe and wonder and go where joy takes me. Doing this helps me know what I can authentically say YES to in my life.

What about you? What helps you stay on track in your life? Who is your authentic self and what space do you give that part of you?

This is a presentation I did for Antioch. It always inspires me on days when I don’t feel like going to class.